The Beach Vacation Adventure
by Ruff Collie
Summary: [AeriSeph, companion to Promises and Smiles]Aeris and Sephiroth take a secret vacation to Costa Del Sol while Elmyra is away! Angry crab generals, hormonal fangirls, and ninja Zacks galore!Coming soon: Chap. Five: Karaoke
1. Sephiroth's Problem

The Beach Vacation Adventure

by Ruff Collie

Chapter One: Sephiroth's Problem

Heat radiated from the fringes of the pulsing sun, slowly but surely creating heavy layers of humidity in the suffocating air. It was only noon, but the temperature was already a blistering ninety-five degrees farenheit. August's sky was filled with puffy clouds that meandered through the blindingly blue sky slowly, seemingly without any purpose or direction. The saturated air threatened to force sweat out of every pore on the human body; those braving the streets obeyed this warning. Myriads of people hurried through the town, their colorful collage of light clothing brightening up the gloomy atmosphere. Wide brimmed hats and glossy sunglasses were in no short supply in Costa Del Sol, and it seemed every store and kiosk was stocked to the breaking point with the latest trends.

Aeris Gainsborough was taking all of this lovely summer scenery in from a window on the top floor of Costa De Sol's inn. The Ancient was curled up on a cushioned chair, blissfully cool under the relentless AC unit. She sighed, leaning back and closing her eyes with a satisfied grin. This weekend was already shaping up to be amazing, and it was all because she had taken a risk she normally wouldn't have.

'Ah,' Aeris thought with a smirk, 'Everything went just too perfectly. Mom going away for the week on a trip to see her sister plus Seph actually having some time off equals a secret super awesome fun weeklong trip with Seph to Costa Del Sol!'

The flower girl giggled a bit, reluctantly pulling herself up from her comfortable roost to wait by the door. Sephiroth was down the street at a local resturant, grabbing himself and Aeris some dinner; he would be back any moment now. A soft smile crept on to Aeris' face as she thought back on the past three weeks with Sephiroth. The couple were practically cemented to each other when they actually had time to spend together; Sephiroth was always terribly busy with the war in Wutai, so shared time wasn't very common. This weekend even happening had been a blessing in itself. So what if it was technically illegal?

The mahogany door suddenly slammed open as a very annoyed looking Sephiroth stode in, startling Aeris so much that she nearly fell from her newfound perch on the bed. Curious, the Ancient peeked up at her disgruntled lover.

"Uhm, Sephiroth...?" she questioned uncertainly, eyeing him in confusion, "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, damnit!" Sephiroth snapped, unceremoniously dropping a bag that presumeably held food on the small table unit in the room.

"Well?" Aeris prodded, crawling on to one of the chairs by the table.

"Fucking hormonal fourteen year old girls, that's what!" the general seethed, throwing himself down on to the other chair. "I can't go anywhere in this city without sunglasses, otherwise I'll be mobbed!"

Resisting the extremely strong urge to break out into laughter at this image, Aeris busied herself with opened the bag sitting innocently on the table. Her senses were immediately assaulted by the delicious aroma of Wutain delicacy; the flower girl felt her mouth water and her stomach rumble. She hadn't had anything to eat since her and Sephiroth had 'fled' Midgar.

"I'm sure you'll be okay, Seph," Aeris said idly, sighing happily as she chewed on some appatizing fried rice. "You've survived worse battles, I'm sure."

Sephiroth grimced.

"There is NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING worse that a militia of sexually depraved women who 'want to rub your hot body down with coconut oil and muss up your sexy, perfect hair.'"

Aeris choked on a bit of chicken as she heard this; she buried her face in her hands to hide her laughter, faking a cough.

"E-Excuse me," the Ancient wheezed, turning her back and heading towards the bathroom.

"Are you okay, Aer?" Sephiroth asked her retreating form, his face creased with concern, "Do you need anything?"

"N-No!" Aeris managed to force out, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her. "I'm just g-going to go get my bathing suit on! Say, l-let's go to the beach after this!"

Sephiroth resumed his meal, confused when he heard what sounded like insane laughter eminating from the bathroom.

"I hope she's okay..." the general muttered, staring down at his plate, "Food from Wutai has some pretty strange effects..."

oooooooooooooooooo A/N: Hah! First installment of 'The Beach Vacation Adventure' completed. I'm actually attempting humour! Gasp! I know this wasn't that great(or long for that matter), but this is only the beginning! Yes, it is a companion fic of sorts to Promises and Smiles - it's just a random vacation Aer and Seph decide to take during their first two months together.

Next chapter: Sephiroth Vs. Crab Return to Top 


	2. Sephiroth Vs Crab

**The Beach Vacation Adventure**

**by Ruff Collie**

**Chapter Two: Sephiroth Vs. Crab**

"Come on!"

"No."

"Please? It'll be fun!"

"No."

"Aw, don't be such a sand crab! Come ON!"

"No!"

Aeris pouted angrily, folding her arms tightly against her chest. She glared at Sephiroth, who was quite firmly(and happily) planted in his spot on the cool sand. Warm colors were glazing the uneven surface of the ocean; twilight seemed to be showing off this evening. Aeris was confused as to why Sephiroth didn't want to come for a swim; it was such a gorgeous day! Groaning when she realized Sephiroth wasn't going to join her in the water, Aeris stomped off by herself. She'd make her own fun!

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow after her, then shrugged, reclining in the deliciously comfortable sand. The general let his muscles loosen and relax, lazily inhaling the rich sea breeze.

'It's a good thing we took this vacation,' Sephiroth thought absently, lowering himself to the ground stomach first, 'Running a war is more stressful than it looks.'

With his face radiating the perfect picture of contentment, the general drifted off into an incredibly soothing sleep. 'Damn Zack had better not ruin my vacation...'

Aeris snuck up the beach quietly, something odd shaped and prickly clasped tightly in her hands. Upon seeing Sephiroth sprawled out in the sand, the Cetra tittered happily. This was going to be a lot easier than she thought. All she needed to do was plan the angle she would strike from; then 'Operation Pinchy' could begin.

Something was pinching his toe. Sephiroth frowned in his sleep, deciding to ignore the bother for the time being. He succeeded in ignoring it until all of a sudden the pinching sensation gave way to acute pain. Yelping, the swordsman threw himself up and blindly grabbed for his toe. Sephiroth seized what he thought was his toe; his pointer finger immediately became another thobbing zone of pain. The general's eyes flew open.

A very angry crab had taken a liking to Sephiroth(if, of course, by 'liking' you mean 'latched on with all his strength and became the source of unrelenting pain').

"Ow!" sephiroth exclaimed, tugging lightly, "That kind of hurts, you know!"

If a crab could show emotions other than 'I'm going to pinch the hell out of you' and 'scuttle scuttle scuttley', this one would have melted Sephiroth's perfect face off with the force of his glare. This certain crab was very proud of himself, though; he had managed to capture the great General Sephiroth! Yes, the entire crab community knew about Sephiroth -- what living thing didn't? After he had accidentally managed to step on a crab last year, thus effectively killing it, the entire crab population of Costa Del Sol had declared war in honor of their fallen brethren. Sephiroth happened to mess with the wrong crab; this was the commander of the entire crab army, General Pinchaga.

Of course, Sephiroth didn't know about any of these things; he assumed that General Pinchaga was just some normal old crab who had a serious inferiority complex. No matter how hard he tugged(without risking pulling his finger off), Sephiroth just could not seem to loosen the crab's grip on his toe and finger. After trying to break the crab's morale with his famous cold stare, the swordsman was about to give up. That's when the crab suddenly released his hold.

Sephiroth only had a few seconds to recover and get in a sigh of relief; the crab began to click. Yes, that was the only good way to describe it. Clicked. General Pinchaga was actually sending out a sort of crab morse code to summon his army. Thinking that the crustacean was admitting his defect, Sephiroth sent a cocky smirk his way.

"Haha, you bastard. I claim victory. You-AH! WHAT THE HELL?"

Crabs were popping out of the sand like dasies, scuttling forward to create a large circle around an extremely pertrubed Sephiroth. Angry clicks filled the air as at least two hundred crabs closed in around the human general. With blinding speed(for a crab, at least), the armada of pinching demons hopped on Sephiroth's body and hooked on to every patch of open skin they could find. Sephiroth shrieked in pain and surprise as two crabs managed to latch on to both of his nipples; others were crawling all over his face, all wet, slimy, and pain. He couldn't see, he was drowning in crabs --

"SEPHIROTH!"

Sephiroth awoke with a start to see Aeris leaning over him, something like a disturbed look on her face. He felt a tug at his swimming trunks, and looking down, the general saw a tiny crab pulling at them gently. Aeris prodded him on the shoulder, a strange look on her face.

"...Uhm, Seph?"

"Yeah?"

"So...uhm, why were you screaming and rubbing your nipples in your sleep?"

"...what?"

"...on second thought, I REALLY don't wanna know...c'mon, let's go back to the inn. I think you need some serious sleep."

As the pair walked away, a certain crab peeked at them from the shadows. If crabs could smirk, his would be a mile wide. He'd get his revenge...

**oooooooooooo**

A/N: Hah, one review! Thanks so much, Gigei! I was waiting for that to update...oh well. I think this chapter was a bit better.

Review, please! It keeps us authors going...

Next Chapter: Enter the Zack


	3. Enter the Zack

The Beach Vacation Adventure

by Ruff Collie

Chapter Three: Enter the Zack

After dragging Sephiroth back to the Inn, Aeris firmly forced him into bed. Four different comforters covered the poor general, and his overly worried partner was taking his temperature. When the mercury read a perfectly stable number(right down to the decimal point), Aeris made a sort of 'hurumph!' noise, and slammed a bag of smoking ice on Sephiroth's forehead. He winced.

"I don't care what that stupid thermometer says!" Aeris grumbled, forcing aspirin down Sephiroth's throat; the general began gagging, trying to claw at his face. "You're sick! And you're not moving anywhere!"

"Ah...ack," Sephiroth wheezed, from both choking and the disgusting taste in his mouth.

Aeris looked at him sympathetically.

"I know, I know, my little schnookie muffin," she cooed, rubbing ice on his cheeks, "Mommy Aerish is here now, and she's gonna take such good care of you; yesh, she is!"

Sephiroth, mentally screaming, began to shake. Big mistake. Aeris noticed right away.

"AWW, SEPH-MUFFIN! ARE YOU STILL COLD?" she shrieked, "I'll just have to get you another comforter and some of my hot, delicious chicken noodle soup! You'll be warmed right up!"

"B-But..." the general called out weakly as Aeris hurried out of the room.

Sephiroth was smouldering hot under the comforters, and his entire body was beginning to sweat profusely. He would move, but then Aeris would most likely start that ungodly shrieking again and probably force even more blankets on him. The general sighed and shifted underneath his blankets. At least he would get food; he WAS hungry.

As expected, Aeris came twirling back into the room, humming some kind of song your mother sang to you as a child. Well, if Sephiroth had a real mother.

"Aw, Sephy!" Aeris gushed, wrapping her arms around the swordsman's neck, pulling him to her chest, "You're gaining color back! Maybe that medicine is working?"

He mumbled some kind of response, pressing his face closer to Aeris' chest. Although Sephiroth was a world reknown general who could kill in an instant, he was also a man, and the only things running through his mind were things that a child really shouldn't be hearing. Maybe being 'sick' wasn't so bad after all.

Aeris got up as a knock sounded at the door; apparently, the soup was ready.

"This is great!" Aeris chirped as she carried a tray into the room, "I just told the staff the ingrediants, and they made it! Such great service!"

After propping Sephiroth up with the help of a few pillows, Aeris placed the wooden tray on to the general's lap. She pulled up a chair, watching expectantly as he took his first bite.

Abruptly after eating some of the soup, Sephiroth began to sputter, coughing and choking. He looked around the room frantically, searching for water. His mouth and throat were on fire, burning more violently than a Fire 3 spell. What the hell was in that soup?

"W-water!" Sephiroth rasped out, nearly upsetting the tray as he grabbed Aeris' shoulders and shook her like a madman. She gasped, removing the tray from his lap and slamming it on to the table before he could throw it on to her. "What the hell did you do to this soup?"

After handing the gasping general a bottle of water, Aeris looked at him meekly.

"It's my mom's special recipe," she said, looking at her feet and shifting a bit, "She said it would warm you right up-"

"Well, it did quite a good job!" Sephiroth snapped, glaring daggers at the Cetra as he gulped down water. Aeris began to whimper softly, tugging gently at the hem of her shirt. "Oh, damnit, don't start with that..."

Sephiroth sighed in resignition, rolling his eyes and pulling Aeris on to his lap. With a poof, he turned into - oops, wrong fandom. Anyway, Sephiroth wrapped his arms around Aeris tightly. The Cetra let out a muffled 'oomph'.

"All right, I know you were trying hard to make me feel better," Sephiroth began, playing with her braid, "But I'm honestly not sick at all. I just had a bad dream, okay? I'm fine."

Aeris pulled away slightly, meeting Sephiroth's eyes with a sheepish smile.

"All right," she mumbled, yawning widely. Sephiroth helped her off his lap, his hand lingering on her waist.

"You're tired. Go ahead and get changed for bed, all right?"

"All right," Aeris yawned, trudging off to the bathroom sleepily.

Sephiroth shook his head, smiling a bit. He stretched, then proceeded to change into a comfy pair of black shorts to sleep in. A few minutes later, Aeris emerged from the bathroom, clad in a loose tanktop and cotton shorts. Climbing tiredly into the bed, she suddenly blushed profusely as she glanced at Sephiroth. A feral grin emerged on the general's face as he leaned over the Cetra, who was almost completely red at this point.

"Come now," Sephiroth murmered, leaning forward to brush his lips against her neck, "Don't be shy..."

All of a sudden, a huge crash sounded throughout the room. Aeris shrieked; Sephiroth jumped up in an instant, the Masamune in his hand as he whipped it to the neck of the person whom had just fallen through the window of their room. This particular person happened to be a man with jet black hair, which was spiked in odd directions. He coughed a bit, shaking off some of the glass he was covered in. Sephiorth lowered his sword slightly as the man looked up at him with a huge grin.

"Hey there, General! I see you're getting your thing on, eh?" The man winked at a startled Aeris. "Hey, babe. You must be Aeris! You're as hot as Seph told me you'd be."

With a groan, Sephiroth lowered the Masamune completely.

"Zack..."

**oooooooooooo**

A/N: Uh-oh. Zack's here :3 By the way, I made some art for this chapter. It's not much, but my friends thought it was cute. :3

http(colon)(slash slash) img 246 . imageshack . us / img 246 / 5241 / feverdt0 . png

Just take out the spaces and put in what it tells you. :3

Thanks to my reviewers! I love you guys. You make writing this worth it.

Anyway, I've been seeing Final Fantasy VII a lot recently. I was reading Fruits Basket earlier, and one of the author notes mentioned how much the author loved Sephiroth and how she cried when Aeris died. I was also just watching CinemaTech on G4, and it had the scene where Sephiroth kills Aeris in it. xD

Next Chapter: Zack, the Exhaulted Ninja


	4. Zack, the Exhaulted Ninja

A/N: So sorry for the delay! School has started, and I'm homework ridden. 

**The Beach Vacation Adventure**

**By Ruff Collie**

**Chapter Four: Zack, the Exhaulted Ninja**

"May I ask what you're doing here?" Sephiroth sighed, eyeing Zack in a nearly weary manner.

"Aw, Sephy!" Zack whimpered, looking up at the general from his position on the floor. "Didn't you miss my delightful, drug-like self?"

"No."

A very fake sob emerged from Zack's throat as the SOLDIER threw himself to the ground dramatically. He managed to fill his eyes to the brim with crocodile tears, causing Aeris to lean over him in worry. She shot an infuriated glare towards her irritated companion, who was in the process of brainstorming Zack's demise.

"Sephiroth."

The general cringed, not daring to turn around and argue with his girlfriend. He knew that tone; alas, it was the fabled tone of the extremely pissed off and pre-menstrual woman. Legend had it that no earthly being stood a chance of disobeying its dreadful order. The brave men who had attempted to avoid the orders of the women were said to have met the most horrific ends; Sephiroth certainly did not want to become another casualty. He was good, but not quite THAT good.

"Yes..." Sephiroth paused, debating on how to address her; 'harpy' and 'PMSing hag' were tempting, but would probably get him mauled to death. "...Aeris?"

"Apologize to him. Now."

There was no room for question in THAT command. Sephiroth groaned, and mumbled out a pathetic excuse for a sorry. Zack's eyes started glowing immediately, and he pulled himself off the floor so that he was resting on his knees. The SOLDIER grinned brilliantly, winking in Sephiroth's direction.

"Aw, it's all right. I interrupted your little 'conquest', if you know what I mean...eh?" Zack turned his attention Aeris, who was trying to hide herself under the many blankets on the bed. "Did you know that ol' General Sephy here is actually a-"

"That. Is. ENOUGH." Sephiroth forced out, Masamune's blade dangeously close to kissing Zack's neck. The spikey-haired man continued, seemingly oblivious to any distractions.

"Heh, I don't know why a hottie like you would go for an ass like Sephers. I mean, what do you actually see in him besides pretty hair and a pretty face? You should go for someone who can treat a lady right...who knows how to please..." Zack winked at the Cetra, "Someone like my sexy self."

Grinding his teeth together, Sephiroth lost control for a second and managed to nick his second-in-command's neck, which caused a small bubble of blood to collect at the wound.

"OW!" Zack howled, clapping his neck to the tiny cut and glaring at a very agitated general, "Stop poking me with that over-sized kitchen knife of yours! It kinda hurts, if you didn't already know! Besides, all of that was the truth!"

"How did you manage to drag yourself up here?" Sephiroth asked skeptically, changing the subject.

"Oooo!" Zack clapped his hands together, looking at his commander proudly. "I used my ultimate Wutainese NINJA SKILLS!"

"Zack, sometimes I doubt that you possess even the most basic of skills," Sephiroth sighed, massaging his temples lightly, "let alone anything that involves being SILENT and INTRICATE."

"Hey!" Zack pouted, hmphing indignantly, "Watch it, General! I might just have to steal your girl here! She's probably more interested in my amazing tale of skill and heartbreaking bravery-"

"Right." Sephiroth glared daggers at him. "And by the way, my incompetent underling, if you lay one hand on 'my girl', as you so disrespectfully called her, my 'over-sized kitchen knife' will see to it that there will never be any mini Zacks running around."

The SOLDIER made a kind of soft 'eep' noise, his hands automatically moving down to protect everything he held dear. Much more reserved, Zack turned around and began to recap his 'adventure' to Aeris, whose face's color was deepening with each passing moment. Suddenly, Sephiroth narrowed his eyes and whipped around, Masamune still held tightly in his hand.

"Zack, what are you even doing here?"

Turning around slowly, Zack put on his most innocent looking face. He stared up at Sephiroth like a little child, his eyes wide and confused.

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean!" Sephiroth snapped, "You must have a reason for dragging your sorry ass here from Midgar!"

Standing up, Zack let out an exaggerated sigh. Cementing his hands on his hips, the SOLDIER looked up at his commander with a huge grin.

"Sheffy luffs teh Zackeh, yesh he dosh!" Zack cooed, the words like blood oozing out of a particularly bad cut, "Dat's why Sheffy won't get all angry like at Zackeh when teh Zackeh tellsh him that Zackeh camesh becaush he wantsted to shpend shum aweshum fun time wif hish most favoritest person in teh whole wide worlds, General Sheffyrawff. Shinra doeshn't know either!"

"Wait!" Sephiroth sputtered, staring at his second-in-command in shock, "You mean no one knows you're here?"

"Yep!" Zack proclaimed proudly.

"You were supposed to be taking care of my duties in Midgar!"

"Oh, I solved that too!" Zack nodded.

_Back in Midgar..._

Reeve knocked on Sephiroth's office door, frowning when he didn't hear the usual 'come in.' Puzzled, the head of urban development opened the door, only to be greeted by a sea of white. A single yellow fin was parting the ocean if paper, coming closer to Reeve. The man was both annoyed and a tiny bit frightened.

"Uhm...hello?"

Suddenly, papers flew everywhere and the 'fin' popped up to reveal a young man with spikey, blonde hair. He looked at Reeve, puzzled.

"Are you Reeve?"

"Yes...?"

"Hi! I'm Cloud! Zack told me you'd help me with all this paperwork!"

It took all of Reeve's self control not to scream.

"And when did...my colleague...tell you he'd be getting back?" Reeve asked Cloud, wanting desperately to wring Zack's neck.

"Oh!" Cloud said brightly, "In about six days!"

"...Right. If you'll excuse me for a moment."

Reeve stepped outside the room, and took a deep breath.

Several floors below, Tseng raised an eyebrow as he heard what sounded like Reeve's screams and many death threats directed towards a spikey haired SOLDIER. The Turk turned to the secretary, who was confused.

"What was that?" she asked, a bit distrubed.

"Oh, nothing," Tseng replied absentmindedly, "It was probably the interns. Now, about that mutant cactuar..."

A/N: All righty! That chapter's done, and I'm very happy. My boyfriend reserved Final Fantasy XII...the Collector's Edition for our anniversary, because that's the day it comes out! Yay! I also played FFVII again...and had to watch the scene where Aeris dies FIVE TIMES before I beat Jenova. 

Next chapter: Haven't thought out a title, but something with karaoke.


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